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Leaving My Three Year Old’s Room At The End of the Night

by Carrie Friedman


Me: Okay, I love you. I’ll see you in the morning.

Her: Wait – Mommy. Are there any maps in my room?

Me: Maps? No.

Her: Are there any bees?

Me: No. No bees.

Her: We don’t eat bees. Only honey. Not bees.

Me: This is true.

Her: Are there any flies in my room?

Me: No.

Her: Spiders?

Me: No.

Her: Ants?

(I shake my head.)

Her: Sharks? Whales? Bat rays? Mites?

Me: No. Mites? No.

Her: Snails? Kangaroos?

Me: No.

Her: Colorado bears?

Me: No–What?

Her: Colorado bears!


Me: Oh, you mean KOALA bears?

Her: Yes.

Me: No.

Her: Is there any art in my room?

Me: Yes.

Her: What about burned out light bulbs?

Me: I don’t think so, no.

Her: Beetles?

Me: It’s bedtime now. Go to sleep —

Her: Do you love me?

Me: I love you SO much.

Her: How much?

Me: This much. As far as my arms can stretch!

Her: Okay then, I am gonna go to dreamland!

Me: (leaving) Good. Have a nice rest–

Her: You know who’s there?

Me: It’s time for–

Her: Santa! Santa is in dreamland waiting for me. With a couple of his reindeer and also Lilli even though she goes to a different school now.

Me: Okay, good! Now–

Her: And you will be there, and daddy, and sissy, and milk and bagels and salami. Oh, I love salami SO MUCH. Do you know how much I love salami?

Me: It’s time for bed now.

Her: THIS much! As far as my arms can go.

Me: Okay, Peach. I love you. Good night.

Her: (a long sigh) Good night.


Her: But you’re sure there aren’t any maps in here?

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