No one mentioned there’d be this much sweating. An hour into any given day with the kids and I’m covered with it. Are other mothers experiencing this or do I have a glandular issue? Or are they just better at hiding it? This is actual physical labor; the lifting and shlepping and chasing of children is the only cardiovascular exercise I’ve gotten in the last year. It’s like a 24 hour Power Yoga class, except it somehow doesn’t address my actual problem areas.
The other day I walked the kids in their double stroller to the drugstore, several blocks from our house, because we were running low on milk and formula. By the time we got there, my stringy hair was dripping sweat like icicles melting off trees in early spring, and I smelled like a seaside town.
Of course the children waited until we were in the checkout line to start the tantrum portion of their mornings. While they were screaming, I accidentally opened my wallet upside down and loose change fell out everywhere. At that point, my sweat level had reached an all-time, George-Wendt-in-a-marathon high. I was on all fours, collecting my change, but to the fellow who had just walked up behind me in line, I looked like the most desperate, unfortunate beggar (one with two children no less) – in stained clothes, scrounging for change on the floor.
Inevitably, that guy behind me was an arrogant shithead I went on 3 dates with 12 years ago.
And he recognized me. Of course. “Oh my God! You look so…different…!”
I muttered something like, “I don’t know who you’re talking about,” quickly paid and pushed my screaming children out of the store, sweating all the way home. Time to invest in a more absorbent wardrobe.